What? Are you kidding? My natural ways are pushing him away? Yes! It is very possible. I'm pretty sure you've heard of the book, "Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars." Well, it's true!! Everything about our nature is different than men. What does that mean? What drives him, what motivates him, what speaks to him, the way he feels loved, or appreciated and respected are all different not just in action but at it's core. When we communicate, we as woman communicate from our own frame of reference, and of course, men do too. Good news though. When either one of you decides to see things from the other's view then it shifts the whole conversation and over time, the relationship.
What pushes him
Explaining.....Our natural instinct is to explain and talk things out. That's not bad at all. However, when things are rocky between you and your spouse, explaining is not the way. There is a time for explaining but not all the time and not to use as a tool to water the relationship.Manipulating.....When you intentionally take away something your spouse needs or enjoys because he has decided to not do what you want him to do, then you are manipulating. No one has the right to control another person through taking away things they need or enjoy. Some women think withholding sex, conversation, appreciation, respect, cooking or any form of connecting will get them a happy relationship, but it won't. It pushes men away.Ultimatums...... Ultimatums are demeaning, emasculating, and self-centered. You may be fed up but no one wants to be threatened into doing anything. Men don't and neither do women.Complaining......Honestly, all men hear when you complain is whining. Complaining says you're not happy with him, nor anything he does. This may not be true but that is how he hears it and feels it. If all you do is point out the bad or what doesn't make you happy, you're tearing down your house and not building.Losing your feminine ways......Men love women, especially when they are connected to what makes them feel feminine and soft. This world can be so harsh that it is easy to let that go or forget about what makes you feel like a beautiful, radiant woman, however, forgetting it is not good. Stay in touch with what makes you feel beautiful, sexy and alluring.....and your womanly confidence will shine throughExpression......Men not only love women, but they love a woman's expression towards what they do. When you withhold your appreciation or water it down, you are losing one of the things that makes him feel like he has a place with you and that he is appreciated.
What draws him
Instead of explaining in the midst of a heated moment.....listen......listen without rebuttal....without judgement. Trust me....as soon as he feels heard, there will be a shift that happens within the tenseness of the energy in that conversation. You will feel the energy ease up and when it does, you will be able to speak and be heard. Sometimes it may not be necessary to speak then.....speak your part later.Instead of manipulating.....set boundaries.....good ole healthy boundaries and state what they are. For example, you can state to your spouse...."I do not want to keep wasting time, energy, and money on making dinner and you're not gonna be home to eat it. That's not fair to me. If I don't hear from you, I will assume you're eating elsewhere and will not be cooking." That's a lot better than "why didn't you call me," "You are so ungrateful," "How can you be so inconsiderate?" All of that is accusatory. Instead, talk about what you will and won't do.Instead of bottom lines that he dares not cross....this is the time to explain and then set a boundary. When you explain, become vulnerable and share authentic emotion and feelings. Don't let it be just a head conversation.Instead of pointing out the negative.....only choose certain things to work on. Make sure you praise and appreciate far more than you complain or criticize.Instead of losing your femininity, take some time to remember your dating and flirting days. Reconnect or become comfortable with your own way of expressing your femininity. Maybe it's a spa day, or certain clothes, or perfume, or a certain pair of heels, or jewelry. I cannot say it enough. Stay connected to what makes you beautiful. Shine from the inside and out and he will be drawn.Instead of watering down your appreciation but becoming demonstrative on the negatives.....do the opposite. Become demonstrative on the appreciation and water down the negatives. That builds what you have and is very attractive to men. Letting him see your joy and gleefulness about something He has done feeds him and he needs to know that he can still make you happy.
In Conclusion, there are so many things we can do to either tear down our spouse our intentionally build your relationship. Know that what you do or don't do does matter to the relationship. If you keep yourself connected to God as your source, you will see a change in the relationship. Let's not push away when we can intentionally draw and heal.