The Dreaded What Ifs!
What if he leaves me? What if this doesn't work out? What if he's cheating? What if he's not attracted to me anymore? What if I don't want to be with him any longer? What if how he is is not enough for me?
Ohhhhh....the dreaded what ifs. We all have experienced them at one time or another. They sneak up whether it's a good relationship or rocky relationship. They sneak up during good times and bad times. They sneak up during month one or year ten. There is no rhyme or reason to the what ifs that run through our mind from time to time. So let's talk about it.
Is it God, or just my suspicion?
One of the biggest questions is how do I know if my what if thoughts are of God or is it just my suspicions. Very good question. There are different stages of a relationship. In the beginning, when you don't quite know him yet, there's plenty of what ifs that may happen. When you get to the stage where you are wanting to be exclusive to one another, then this is the time to ask questions about his ways and be clear about what you need to establish trust and security within the relationship. This learning stage is very dicey because you want to know if he is what is saying he is. This is where we can't let suspicion drive us crazy. Decide to build trust more than you feed your negative suspicions. Things that make you uncomfortable, speak up about them and say what you need. Don't stoop to the level of stalking or going through his things. Build with him. If he is worth your exclusive time and energy then you decided that he is a person that you want to build with. If you can't trust enough to build with him, then you may want to rethink exclusiveness.
During the stages where you have established trust and it seems that the relationship is hitting some difficult places, this is when we truly need to know is it God or just suspicion that is causing us to question. The Bible says, (I Cor. 14:33) God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. God is not ever gonna just give you a little bit of info to make you wonder about. Christ has been made unto us wisdom, (I Cor. 1:30) and God gets no glory out of confusion. That is absolutely the devil. God is clear! The entrance of His Word gives light. (Ps. 119:130). He promises that if we called upon HIm,He would show us great and mighty things which we know not. (Jer.33:3) So, if there is something you need to know, GOD WILL JUST TELL YOU!! He will make it clear to you, if you ask him and remain open to truth. Remember, God loves you and does not want you to be deceived. If you ask Him, He will tell you and show you. Trust God to do just that, instead of doing what the world does. Half of the people who end up on shows like "Snapped" or end up on the news or in jail, probably didn't think that snooping around to see if there was some dishonestly going on, would end that way. Trust God!
Ok, Trust God, now what?
Well, keep in mind that anytime you are giving way to what ifs about your future, you have entered into anxiety instead of peace. Peace I leave, Peace I give unto you, not as the world gives, give I unto you. (John 14:27)Being anxious about tomorrow makes you give up your peace and grace for today. Self love demands that you love yourself enough to not get on that roller coaster of emotion that ends in nothing. You have control over your mind so take control of your thoughts. Think on these things that are of a good report, things that are lovely (I Cor. 4:6). That is the kind of energy you want in your relationship for your own sake. Do not allow the enemy to drain your energy, focus, and time worrying about something that may or may not be true. You have a Big God that lives within you that can show you what you need to know and is also your peace. Yes, I know. Easier said than done, but this path of peace is worth it. Nothing is worth your peace, and your self love.
In Conclusion, chose to trust God, while you're building and believing God for good things. You will not ever regret having peaceful days, but you will regret all the days you spent worrying about things that are outside of your control. Run to God and let Him show you what you need to know. In the meantime, build your relationship and water it. Be a good steward over the relationship God has given you and allow God to let His will be done.