Cloud 9 is a beautiful place to be....isn't it. This is the time where you two are falling in love......and the air is crisper....the birds are chirping and everything he does is juuuuuusssst perfect!! Love love love is all there is and ever will be! AAAAhhhhh!!!!! And then life happens and learning each other begins!! There are many stages of a relationship and our perspective of our partner changes with each stage. The love and relationship skills the two have will determine the outcome and the feelings towards each other throughout those stages. As you're learning each other, below are 4 traits that have absolutely NO place within a healthy and successful relationship.
Selfishness
Selfishness is the number one killer of relationships. It is NOT ok for anyone who desires a healthy relationship to ONLY be concerned about him or herself. At the beginning of a relationship, when the two are developing trust, it makes sense that the two are talking about themselves and making sure their needs and likes and wants are apart of the conversation. However, after the beginning stage, consideration, and thoughtfulness should be a natural part of showing a general like or concern for a person you genuinely care about. If a person is stuck only on the things they like with no regard for their date, then progressing towards a relationship will be very difficult. Huge red flag if it's a consistent trait in a person. Casually bringing it up before the relationship gets too serious is a good way to see if the person was just unaware of it in the moment or if it's just how they are.
Manipulation
The freedom to choose what you want is one of the greatest joys a person can have. Love is backed up and expressed by what a person chooses to DO. Love without action is only infatuation. Manipulation takes away the choice. A man should meet his woman's needs because he chooses too out of his expression of love and not because of a threat of something being done, or taken away from him. Same goes for a woman. The minute you two get into a give and take situation based on "behavior" you now have a bigger problem of manipulation to deal with. Freedom to choose is what allows love to breathe and flow. It also adds substance to the things that are given to you.
Unforgiveness
Offenses will happen!! When life happens, offenses will happen!! The key to renewing the magic and still being able to access those strong feelings you have for him is through forgiveness. It has to flow both ways. One person may not be as easily offended as the partner, but it does not mean that person knows how to forgive. You can discover if your boyfriend can forgive through listening to him talk about relationships....like old girlfriends or family relationships etc. Without forgiveness, offense will eat away at the connection and intimacy you two have built. Yes, it's not fun, but it has to be dealt with.
Arrogance
Sooooo......who has to have the last word? Is it you? Or is it him? The best answer is neither!! When two people respect each other a conversation is just that....a conversation. You have to be eager to hear what he's saying and also what he means and he has to be eager to hear you as well. Arrogance says no.....hear me and that's it!! Closely related to selfishness, arrogance assumes it is the only one that deserves to be heard and it's needs met. The only difference is selfishness is rooted in fear and arrogance is rooted in narcissism! No one's thoughts or opinions should outweigh their partner's. Both people should equally be seen. That's how love is fed and nurtured.
Conclusion
Cloud 9 is a great start, but sharpening your relationship skills is even better. Learning what to do to water and grow love is incredibly overlooked in today's world. These few traits should help you spot the flags or warning signs to either confront or decide wether or not you want to stay or leave. If you want a healthy relationship be ware of the signs that hinder.